Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Communication

A few weeks ago, my wife and I had a discussion.  She didn't like that I was running all of the time, and she didn't like that I had been so picky lately about what I was eating.  Now, to be fair, she was partly right.  In my effort to eat more nutritiously, I had asked her to modify her cooking, which was wrong and selfish of me.  My nutritional life, while important, is for me, not her and the rest of my family. I am making the change, not her.  If anyone should be inconvenienced, it should be me and not her, but that is a topic for another day.

In our discussion, I was able to peel back the layers of words and get to the TRUE issue.  I knew she really did not resent my running.  She has been nothing but supportive.  The nutrition thing threw me though.  She said she was upset because she had tried to improve my nutrition several times in our married life, but I was resistant (to say the least).  I wanted nothing to do with it.  Now, I had changed my eating habits and started weight loss because if my "hobby"(running).  I could see her point, but even THIS was not the true issue.

Have you ever noticed that, for the most part, married couples tend to look the same?? Not in a twins sort of way, but they have the same general make up.  Many times, if the wife is thin, so is the husband.  If the husband if overweight, so is the wife.  The children follow as well (hmm, maybe its NOT genetic.  Maybe it is the way we teach them to eat...nahhhh). I had been overweight for years, and I had borne no children.  My wife had 3.  Each one adding a little more.

The TRUE message that my wife was trying to convey was "help me".  She didn't know how to say it, I'm not even sure that she knew she wanted to.  But in her own way, she was letting me know that she wanted to change too, but didn't know how.  This was GROUND BREAKING!!! Not for her, not for me, but for us and our family.

We each had tried to improve our nutrition over the years, but never at the same time.  We were stuck in this nutritional tug of war, pulling against each other.  Now, we were getting on the same page.  It was then that I began to see what I had been doing as my "journey" and I invited her to come on this journey with me.  That we do it together. 

Since then, amazing things have happened which I will tell you about in coming posts, but the bottom line is this.  If you are married, engaged, or have a significant other, make sure he/she knows about your journey and make sure they are on board and either (preferably) is wiling to come with you, or, at the least, understands and agrees not to hinder your progress.  It is SO much easier when someone comes with you.

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